Monday. It really is.

Spring Break is over. The rain, the snow, the sun, the lazy, the productive, the hilarious, the movies, the competitions, the adventures, the mistakes. It was good, and I’m glad we had it. And I’m glad we didn’t plan anything or really try to go anywhere farther away than 30 miles. I might have exploded with the craziness of it all.

The back-yard daffodils bloomed in the snow this week. It was glorious, I’m telling you.

Back to school today, and we’re all trying to be glad. I am. I get to teach Kid 3′s Class of Fifth Grade Brilliance. Seriously, this class is amazing. The most well-behaved, intelligent, eager kids. We’re going to have some fun, I’m telling you. And later this week, I get to go back to Mrs. G’s 8th grade honors literature classes and see how they’re doing on their April version of NaNoWriMo. It was a blast to teach them “how to write a novel in a month,” even if I offended their sensibilities by telling them that at the end of April, they’d have a grand sense of accomplishment and a really terrible draft of a novel. (Most of them forgave me for saying so.)

Keep the comments coming for the giveaway, and I’ll draw a winner or two (two — you knew that already) on Wednesday.

Happy Monday. Hope it really is.

Stacy - Yes, spring break is definitely over. I knew that when my alarm chimed at 6:15 this morning. (Yawn!)

Still waiting for our backyard tulips. They’re up but haven’t bloomed yet, and it really is one of my favorite things about living here in my little tiny treehouse.April 16, 2012 – 9:30 am

Carolyn V - They’re doing a NaNoWriMo? That is awesome! What better way to teach about writing than actually doing it. So cool!April 16, 2012 – 12:41 pm

L.T. Elliot - My mother’s daffodils bloomed this last week or two and I just stood in her yard today, staring at them. Such happy little flowers.

Hooray for flowers, for April-Nano (kid version), and for the general happy all over this post!April 17, 2012 – 12:16 am

Kazzy - You are involving yourself in some really worthwhile things. Good for you!April 17, 2012 – 10:34 am

Win Free Book (x2)

***UPDATED to announce winners: JANNA and BRITTANY L. Right on. Go, California!**

 

So a few weeks ago, a nice lady from town (one of the nice ladies I’d never met or heard of) called me up on the phone.

Her: Hello, Becca?

Me: Yes.

Her: This is Maxine from the Seniors’.
(I have lived here long enough to know that means Senior Citizens’ Center, the wild and crazy hub of adventure for local over-60s.)

Me: Hi. What can I do for you?

Her: ____ gave me your name and said that your family is incredibly talented.
(At this point I looked for cameras, bugs, and studio audiences.)
We’d like you to come perform for a Seniors’ Family Night.

(Family Night is a Mormon thing — Monday nights we pass on other obligations and spend the evening with our families. Unless the Seniors want us to come to them. We’re down with that. The Wilhites are all about taking Family Night on the road.)

Me: Love to.

So she gave me instructions (when, where, how long and not a minute shorter). We did a dry-run (to time everything and avoid falling short of our 55 minute mark) of piano pieces, violin pieces, dramatic recitations, and vocal solos. And Monday came and I realized that I hadn’t prepared anything. Which was fine and stuff, because this sort of thing should be all about the kids, but we were short by a few minutes.

Enter The Book.

A whole box full arrived Monday afternoon. (Coincidence, if you believe in such things…) And I was able to read a couple of my essays from the book as my “talent” for the Seniors. Mostly they liked it. But a few of them said to me afterward, “Hey, we thought you were going to sing for us.” I told them I’d do that next time. They acted pacified, but one never knows.

Anyway, the book. I’ve told you about it before, but I think I should tell you about it again, right now, because I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU TWO CHANCES TO WIN IT. (Did you hear me?)

It’s a book of essays. (I wrote about it HERE.) Kind of like following a string of blog posts without the sidebar advertisements. Or the needless clicking. There’s comedy and tragedy, and I’m not being flippant. There really is. There’s good stuff in here, and I want to share it with you. So here is a sitewhere you can run out and buy yourself a copy, or order one for your mom (hello, Mothers’ Day, right around the corner!) or your neighbor who wonders what in the world those Mormons are really all about. (Also on my sidebar, you can order through Amazon, if you’re into that sort of thing.)

Or, if you prefer your books to be free, we can arrange that, too. WAYS TO WIN: Leave me a comment. How bout this: Tell me one thing that makes you who you are. AND: Like my FaceBook Author page (I know. I’m giving in to the dark side. Sorry. But it’s easy for you. Right there on my lower left sidebar, there’s a little FB like-y thingie. Click it, and whoever is logged in to FB on your computer will automatically like me. Join the Revolution, or something. All the cool kids are doing it.)

Let’s be clear: You can win a free copy of TELL ME WHO I AM. ($15 value) Two people will win. You can enter twice (tell me you liked my author page = one, comment = two). I will mail a copy to you if you live in the US or in Canada. If you don’t, you’re already the Cool Kids, so no worries.

I’ll go first. Hi, my name is Becca, and I liked my FB Author Page (oh, yes, I did). And something that makes me who I am is that I love to have my family all home, as often as possible, and that’s because having them here is what makes it home in the first place.

See how easy?

Erin Macceo - I am who I am because of the amazing people which have come in and out of my life and taught me about the person I should strive to be. Because of the mistakes I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned from them and mostly because of my kids. I’ve learned more from them about how to love unconditionally and accept life as it comes them I ever thought possible.April 13, 2012 – 7:27 am

Brittany Larsen - Hi, my name is Brittany and I liked your author page. Something that makes me who I am is that I am from Idaho. Which means I don’t like people telling me what to do or how to do it. I would rather make things more difficult than take directions from someone. I don’t live there anymore, but it is in my blood.April 13, 2012 – 12:35 pm

Sarah A. - Oooooh! Pick me!!!

I like your Facebook page! :) April 13, 2012 – 4:05 pm

Sarah A. - One thing that makes me who i am is creativity and general artsyness (is that a word?)…and also my over-use of ellipses…like that. ;) April 13, 2012 – 4:07 pm

DeNae - I like you so much it’s easy to like your FB page. And I don’t need the book cuz I have a few copies myself. And after hearing you sing in Nunsense I can see why the seniors were disappointed. But if you read your essays – oh, especially the one about family traditions, or ‘The Last Day’; they’re my favorites, except for maybe the one about guilt. Or the poem. Or the garden one. – then they got a treat anyway!April 13, 2012 – 4:58 pm

DeNae - P.S. Hey, Becca’s fans: Does the print on her blog run off the right side of the background on your computers like it does on mine? How do you fix that? I keep having to make up the last words of sentences, which frankly is quite entertaining, but must surely be inferior to what is really written there.April 13, 2012 – 5:00 pm

Stacy - Ha ha ha ha!

Do you remember how I told you about a dream I had that involved violins and comedic monologues? Who knew I was prophetic! I can’t stop laughing…

What makes me who I am? A healthy dose of crazy, followed closely by a dash of crazy, and mix with very little sleep.April 13, 2012 – 5:30 pm

Stacy - And I like your author page. :) April 13, 2012 – 5:30 pm

Janna - Becca,
I love your author page, and you. What makes me who I am is the experiences I have had in life. I had great examples to follow, some amazing experiences, and fabulous friends who loved me and made me part of their families. They serenaded me with their guitar and voice skills, they created snow walls with pantyhose, took fabulous road trips, and loved me for who I was. HAHA. Love ya.April 13, 2012 – 8:55 pm

OmaHeck - I liked you before there was Facebook or Author Pages, but I like those, too.

What makes me who I am are the people I’ve met and shared with in my life. So many profound influences and examples. They cross political, religious, ethnic, socio-economic, and ideological spectra. Their influeces have shaped and positioned me to address the challenges and opportunities of my life.

And Denae, dear Denae. My work computer apparently hates wordpress, at least the Becca version. I get the whole enchilada at home, but if I want to check on her while working (either from my office, or from any number of hotels where I find myself frequently), I too must imagine some words. Because, like you, I’ve determined that there’s something lacking in my version of the post, my “workaround”, as we in the biz say, is to copy the whole thing and paste it into a word document of some ilk. Problem solved.April 14, 2012 – 7:56 pm

Susan (Bloggin’ ’bout Books) - Why I am who I am? Hm, yeah, I can’t think of anything interesting, so I’ll just say it’s because of the people who raised me, the experiences I’ve had in my life, and my faith that, even when it doesn’t seem like it, there really is a God in Heaven and He really does love me.April 16, 2012 – 1:25 pm

Susan (Bloggin’ ’bout Books) - So, I liked your author page on FB, but in trying to locate it, I found your personal page and now I just have to ask, how do you know Jason Hales? He’s my neighbor! Small world.April 16, 2012 – 1:27 pm

L.T. Elliot - Don’t enter me because I already have my own copy and I’d love for other people to have this truly beautiful book. I’m glad you read some of your essays because they are GORGEOUS. The one about guilt totally saved my day. And you’re right about it being both deep and humorous. I laughed and cried and laughed and then cried more.April 17, 2012 – 12:18 am

Eliza - I liked your author page! And also, my answer for something that makes me who I am today is the fact that some of my hair is blue–ACCIDENTALLY blue. It was supposed to be purple.April 17, 2012 – 3:22 pm

Jayne - Enter for a chance to own yet another fantastic written piece by my favorite author? Count me in.April 18, 2012 – 7:29 pm

How do I tell it?

Hard to describe
– Impossible, maybe –
How that particular patch
Of sunlight
On that particular patch
Of grass, just greening out of the
Winter-gray field
Made my heart lurch
With joy.

Maybe it was the cow,
Bending over to slurp a mouthful
Of gorgeous green.
But it was only a cow.

Cows are everywhere,
(at least around here)
And rarely make me

Almost-cry.

I nearly pulled out my phone
To take a photo.
But I knew it would be
Like it always it
When I see a thing in the
Natural world that
Snatches my breath:

Later, it’s just a photo.

Of a cow.

If I could paint,
Would my painting breathe
And glow
Like the new spring
And the sunlight and the grass and the life?

Maybe it would, but I can’t.

So I just hold the memory
Of the time
When sun and earth and life
Met together for a perfect,
Soul-strengthening
Moment.

Glad,
So glad
that I was there to see it.

Stacy - This is how you keep it- you write it, and share it so the rest of us can see it too. I love moments like that- the simple ones that take your breath away.April 12, 2012 – 1:06 pm

L.T. Elliot - You told it perfectly. Moments like that are snatches of God’s eye, I think. Because there’s no other way to explain the way it makes us feel. Last night, that totally happened to me when I saw rain dripping down a window pane. It was just…marvelous to see it bead and streak.April 12, 2012 – 7:21 pm

Publishing Path: Story Time

Once upon a time [1], I got a literary agent. This is one of those things that if you’re not (A) a writer (B) the parent of a writer or (C) married to a writer, you just probably don’t care about. But if you are (A) (B) or (C) (Mostly A, let’s not kid ourselves) then you know that’s a pretty big deal.

For those of us who are (D) (other), here’s the thing. A writer writes and writes and writes, cringes and revises and swears to never try again, revises and cringes and laughs out loud, dares to share the words with readers, cries for a while, revises some more, attempts to maintain composure and refrain from out-loud offensive language, and finally has a “finished” manuscript.

So what then? How does this thing that the writer alternately adores and despises become a book? With pages (or pixels) that someone can buy or borrow?

Enter the Agent.

The Agent is the go-between for author and publisher.

*Question: Does a writer need to have an agent?

*Answer: No. Or else Yes.

I didn’t have an agent until last week. And I’m an author, right? I have books — published, bound, for-sale books (and ebooks, too). I didn’t have an agent for the first years of my writing journey, and it was great, and it worked. But then I did what I do best and decided that I wanted more. Even though I’ve had a great experience with my first publisher, and through my interactions with them have made some Very Dear Friends, when my contract was fulfilled, I knew it was time for more. Here’s the more: I want my next thing to be bigger in scope, more national, from a bigger publisher with a longer reach. I want hardback (but, you know, I’m flexible). I want to stretch to the next level.

And in order to Next-Level it, I need an agent. In general, the Big Guys national publishers don’t accept submissions without an agent. (Not always true. I know. That’s why I said “In general,” you see.)

* Question: Where do you even begin to find agents?

* Answer: The Internet, my friends. The Internet.

See, there’s a wealth of agent-related information out there. Several years ago, I started with AgentQuery.com, where I looked up agents based on books I already liked, authors I knew, and the two agents I’d heard of. Then by genre, then by recommendation, then I sort of started getting the hang of it all. This time around, I knew a little more. I’d had a very kind agent send me a list of possibilities (who I then began to stalk [politely, you know] around the internet). There are agents who blog regularly, who have FaceBook profiles, who answer a great many questions that I don’t actually ask, but I wonder about these things. And there’s the Writer’s Digest website in general, and the Guide to Agents section in particular.

And then there’s the keeping it all inside my head, which is, obviously, never going to happen. So I tried out QueryTracker.com. It’s not the world’s most beautiful site, but it has what I needed to organize. It’s useful, you know, to keep track of everything. And it does keep track of everything. And there’s a community aspect to it (which I never used) where you can chat with other people who are in the Query Zone, compare notes on agents’ replies and response times, and give virtual high-fives and pats on the back.

* Question: So how does a writer get an agent?

* Answer: I’m glad you asked.

Here’s a short list of things you need in order to make it happen: A “finished” novel, a query letter, a thick skin, and a vast deal of patience.

First let’s talk about the “finished” novel. Are you tired of the “quote marks” yet? Me, too. But the thing is, you’re not really finished writing your novel yet. BUT. You should get to the point where you can’t make it any better yourself or with the help of your Very Helpful Critique Partners [2]. Then you sit on it for a while — a week or a month. Then read it again and polish. Trust me, you’ll be surprised how much there is to polish.

Then you do a query letter. This is painful and horrifying, I’m not going to lie to you. HERE is a place I talked about this once before.

Thick skin. Yeah. Writers talk about this one a lot. Because, apparently, you really need it. Here’s the thing. It’s PERSONAL. The book you just wrote was pushed out of your pores like sweat, and it is a little (or huge) part of you. Then a whole bunch of very nice agents and their assistants tell you it’s not (not even in the slightest) interesting to them. Ouch. This is why I went with the Large Pool theory. I submitted my query and pages (whatever the nice agents were asking for, exactly as they asked for it) to a whole lot of agents. I had a goal for 5 a day on non-work days and 3 a day on days I had a job. Then, when the rejections started coming in (and coming, and coming), there were moments of surprising pleasantness, too, like a request for a partial manuscript, or (insert Angel Choir) a full manuscript. [3]

The patience goes along with the replies. Some people (me?) might spend hours and days glued to the email, waiting for that magic reply. The one that says, “You’re brilliant! I love it! Send me more!” But the chances of the instant reply being a “no, thanks” are much higher, in my little experience.

And even the ones who tell you it’s brilliant and they want more… well, they have to do their jobs, so it takes a while. I decided before I started this process that I wanted to work with an agent who would be careful and aggressive with my story, once I was his or her client. But that implies that I understand that the current clients get first dibs on the agent’s attention, see? And as a querying writer, I was low down on the totem of the agents’ priorities. And I should be. I was lucky. I got replies and responses now and then. A request for a partial, then a different agent would request a full. Then a few form rejections. Then another request for a full, or more from the partial, then another handful of rejections. An excited response from a reading agent, then a few more rejections. And it really only took a couple of months. Agent Meredith and I had a phone conversation after she finished reading my full manuscript (three weeks or so into the querying process), in which she answered my questions, asked some of her own, and requested a fairly light rewrite [4]. I crossed my fingers for luck and plunged back in. The rejections and long pauses in replies were much easier to take at that point. Are you surprised?

Fast forward a few more weeks, and Agent Meredith made me an offer of representation. At which point I contacted the few agents who still had my manuscript and (this is protocol, no matter how weird it feels) let them know I had an offer. I think some people would have contacted all the agents who didn’t actively say no, but I just went with the ones who bothered to try me out. I told them that someone was interested. They replied, congratulations — go for it. Actually, I did get the nicest rejection at this point. It was so nice, in fact, that it felt like an acceptance.

Hi Becca, I am so sorry to have taken so long. I have been torn. There really was so much here that I admired– especially your writing and style. But something is holding me back from being confident enough that I am the perfect fit. I am so glad you have found an agent, and not at all surprised. Will be watching your career with interest! Thank you for considering me. All my best, (The Nice Agent Who Has A Bird Name)

Then I waited a few more weeks while Agent Meredith got settled in her new agency (she’d been six years with one and is now with another), and then we spoke on the phone again, and now we’re ready to hit this thing. She’s preparing another (more deep, more encompassing) editorial letter (some agents do that, some don’t — I’m happy to have her help) and then I’ll rewrite again. When I get it right, she’ll begin submitting to editors, and that will be another long story, I’d imagine, with another hefty dose of patience required.

And I’m ready to go. Working on some other writing, in the mean time. Reading. Playing. Dabbling in poetry [5]. Finding joy in the new laptop. Like that. But I wanted to share my story, because it’s really happy-making for me, and exciting, and Next-Levelish.

—-

[1] last week

[2] Once you’ve written and revised your book all by yourself a few times (I usually do 3 or 4 passes before I inflict it on my friends), you let someone else read it. Then you tape your mouth shut and listen to their questions, comments, and concerns. You can nod your head at this point, but no talking back.

[3] If you’re interested in numbers like I’m interested in numbers, you may be interested to know that I sent queries to 29 agents. There were more on the list, but those are the ones I started with. Seven of those (eventually) asked for full manuscripts. Many of them sent polite (form email) rejections. A few sent personal rejections. Many didn’t send anything at all, which is accepted code for “no thanks, unless we lost your submission, but you’ll never know unless you pester us, which we wish you wouldn’t.”

[4] It was a DivaCheck. She was seeing if I would be willing to take editorial direction. I was.

[5] Don’t worry. I’m fine. It’s happy poetry.

Susan Auten - I’m so happy for you! Can’t wait to read your book.April 9, 2012 – 7:14 am

Carrie Jo - Becca, I’m delurking (after reading and enjoying your blog for MONTHS, btw), to say a HUGE congratulations! What wonderful, amazing, brilliant news! (And, yes, I’m A. a writer).

I’m just about to start querying…I hope I have a fun story like this to tell soon…and I can’t wait to read all your blog posts about the process.

Congrats!April 9, 2012 – 7:41 am

L.T. Elliot - Definitely, definitely happy making! I’m very, very happy for you and this story. It’s wonderful. You’re wonderful. And I’m so, SO excited for you! Hooray!April 9, 2012 – 12:33 pm

Annie - Huzzah! Thank you for sharing this. I’m thrilled for you. Can’t wait to hear about the rest of the journey as it unfolds.April 9, 2012 – 3:54 pm

Kazzy - Cool to be walked through the process since I am a (D).

So proud of you! Your book rocks, btw. Sorry I never followed through with my critique. Love the genre.April 9, 2012 – 11:16 pm

DeNae - You are the absolute GOODS! So excited for you. (But you knew that already, huh?)April 9, 2012 – 11:53 pm

Polly - Thanks so much for taking the time to write this long post. The information is so valuable to me right now. I, too, feel I will need an agent and have feared the unknown, which is now not as much a mystery anymore, thanks to you :) I’m anxiously waiting for anything of yours to be published, and hope to possibly meet you at the writers conference in May!April 10, 2012 – 6:59 am

Melanie Jacobson - I’m thrilled for you. And I’ve decided I prefer querying to being on submission. Because 8 of 9 editors have now rejected my baby and this is not fun. I’ve been rejected by 5 of the big 6 and I’m sure that last house is just a matter of time.

And yet . . . I’m not sad. I wrote a good story. I know I did. I’m working on a different fun story now. I like to be busy. No. I like to be productive.April 10, 2012 – 8:13 pm

charrette - Oh how I love this story! Even better because you are the STAR! Thank you for sharing this whole arduous process. (I’m currently in a love-hate relationship with the zero-and-a-half draft of my manuscript.)

Now for the real question: How many pounds of Juicy Pear Jelly Bellies will it take to bribe my way onto your table at Storymakers Boot Camp? :) April 11, 2012 – 11:31 pm

Bummer

You know those times when nothing is wrong, but for some reason, things don’t feel right?

(And you know how I don’t love those times?)

Angst. Please. I’m so too old for angst. Did you know that in German angst means fearfulness? And how I don’t do fear anymore? Nobody told the angst. It’s like that soul-weariness you get when things are Just Too Hard, minus the hard parts. Nothing is wrong. It just feels like it is, or it might be, or it will be soon.

I’m coming to grips with my own psychological regression. And recognizing the fact that although I am not, and have not for DECADES been, sixteen years old, I can still remember what it feels like, to the point of cringing.

Also, possibly I’ve been spending a whole lot of time in the high school.

Maybe that sort of thing is contagious.

L.T. Elliot - Angst and I are well acquainted. In fact, two days ago, this very feeling overwhelmed me. Nothing was wrong but absolutely NOTHING felt right. I was near tears all day long and finally when my hubby came home, I just stepped into his arms and let go. I’m still struggling out of that place but it’s easing up. I freaking hate that feeling.April 4, 2012 – 10:56 pm

Susan Auten - I sure hope it’s nothing. I hate feelings like that. Take a deep breath, and pray. Hugs, Becca. PS; And remember, faith and fear can not exist in the same place at the same time. (I know, much easier said than done.)April 5, 2012 – 1:47 am

Steph - That’s funny because that’s how I am feeling today. And I started out the day so well–exercise, hair & make-up, scriptures and prayer. And then have spent the rest of the day feeling like I needed to scream or cry . . . so I looked at blogs and got more depressed seeing what amazing things people were doing with their lives. Thanks for validating my unexplained and unwanted anxiety. The sun will come out tomorrow! (And that literal sun will help!)April 6, 2012 – 2:55 pm

Kazzy - That weird limbo feeling when you can’t really pinpoint a reason for the blues, but they are there anyway… hate that. I am sorry you have been in a funk.

WHat else did you pick up from the high school experience?April 7, 2012 – 2:16 pm

Bring it, Monday.

Here we go. Fun, full, busy weekend is over. Nunsense is over (mostly — you never know when a function is going to require some faux-nuns as entertainment). The cold/laryngitis is nearly over, leaving me with a more sultry than squeaky sound. Yay for more sultry, right? Turned down sub work for today, because, you know, someone ought to go to the bank and the grocery store and possibly vacuum the floors and FOR SURE mop the kitchen. Also I really, really should go out to lunch with my friend C today. Because it’s been way, way too long since I saw her, or did anything like going out to lunch anywhere cooler than the high school teachers’ lounge.

Here’s what we learned lately: Hope, the thing with Feathers, comes. It does. And when it does, weeks and months and years, years, YEARS of concern and worry and anxiety get feathered into the background.

Also: The fish (Minion) can handle Life on the Outside (the counter) for as long as it takes me to discover that he flipped out of the measuring cup while I was scrubbing his bowl, plus the several long seconds it took me to decide it was worth the effort of cupping BOTH MY HANDS around him to transfer him back to water. He’s happier than ever, back in his (clean) bowl. Really, happier than ever. I think he has done more laps in the past 20 hours than I’ve seen in months. Since Sushi died, I bet. And here’s the lesson: Sometimes we need to spend some outside our element in order to rediscover life’s passion. Or something like that.

Also: God is merciful. He gives us more chances than we would ever give each other. For which I am grateful.

And this: Did I tell you I stole Ann Cannon’s great idea and gave up Fear for Lent? Well, I did. And it has been the most freeing, lovely few weeks. When I send away the fear, there is so much room for joy and cheerfulness and celebration. And trust. And forgiveness. And noticing things. And I hope I can keep this going for forever. Because Fear? I can live without you.

One more thing: At fifteen pounds down, the pants don’t fit anymore. So I need to go shopping for smaller sizes. Shall we just say that again? SMALLER SIZES. (oh, yeah)

(Thanks, Google, for all the images. And, y’all, maybe don’t get used to images. It’s just that today is special.)

Mimi - Giving up fear – sounds good. And 15 lbs down – wow! Congratulations you disciplined woman.April 2, 2012 – 8:57 am

Melanie Jacobson - 15 pounds?! You must be swimming in your clothes because I’m down ten and they’re baggy.

Congratulations on all the good and happy things happening in your life!April 2, 2012 – 9:31 am

L.T. Elliot - Congratulations, on so many fronts! (Congrats to the fish, too!) I love the idea of giving up fear for lent. I wish I knew how to do that.April 2, 2012 – 3:52 pm

A. M. Blackwood - Hope, the thing with feathers . . . I love Emily Dickenson. I love this post, too. It made me feel happy. Thank you, Becca Wilhite.April 8, 2012 – 3:19 pm

Let me introduce you.

Guys. She’s shiny. She’s clean. She’s elegant and silver and has the most perfect action my fingers could ask for.

I got a laptop.

(!!)

I know. I did, completely, just purchase a laptop on the basis of “I love how these keys feel under my fingers.” Is that ridiculous? Perhaps. But I have never quite gotten into the groove of the Kitchen Computer’s keypad. Oh, but Regina, she’s got some great action. My laptop is named Regina. As in Regina Spektor. I don’t know why. I just decided right here in this paragraph that this should be her name.

She’s a 13-inch MacBook Pro. Which, obviously, is apropos and stuff, since I am, likewise, a pro.

I got a laptop because I got an agent. A little reward for a great accomplishment, don’t you know. Do you like how I buried that in here?

I’ll tell you more about that great story in another post. Meanwhile, I’m enjoying (very enjoying) the fact of blogging from the living room floor.

Also on the floor, I’ve completed the first unit of Rosetta Stone’s Mandarin Chinese lessons. Yes. Why not? I can almost tell the difference between these sentences: “The man is drinking juice” and “The girls are reading the newspaper.” But only when there’s text that looks vaguely American attached. But how cool is that? Who wouldn’t want to learn to speak Mandarin? I ask you. I ask you.

And I think I’ll quickly run out of excuses not-to-blog, since I can take Regina with me wherever I go. (Do you think the musical RS will approve my choice?)

Happy weekend, everyone.

Pat Martinez - I had to come to your blog to double my congrats on the agent and I learn that ______got a 32 on the ACT to boot. !!!!! That’s amazing. Please tell her I’m proud of (put your arm around yourself and pat your back ) both of you!March 31, 2012 – 4:21 pm

Stacy - I love Regina Spektor. That’s all.April 1, 2012 – 4:55 pm

L.T. Elliot - I can COMPLETELY relate to the idea of picking a computer based on it’s keyboard. I really would love one with the individual key spaces. My current one is all slippery and it makes me a little crazy sometimes. Still, I’m very happy for your new family member! Hello Regina!April 2, 2012 – 3:53 pm

Jessica - Congratulations on getting an agent! I totally think that’s a brilliant reason for getting a shiny new laptop. Also, I’m very impressed about the whole Mandarin Chinese thing. You’re basically a rock star.April 2, 2012 – 6:00 pm

Ketchup. Catsup? All right. Catch. Up.

I’m feeling much better. Thank you. And sounding almost normal. Keep the prayers coming / fingers crossing / voodoo dolls dancing. I’m totally feeling the love.

*Things I’ve Learned While Not Having a Voice* (In No Apparent Order)
## I can live without answering the phone for days at a time. Days, I tell you.
## In a pinch, Atomic Fireballs can stand in for coughdrops. But only if you’re a person who eats sugar. And if you’re a person who does not eat sugar or sugar-style substitutes, your cough drops options are slim and strange.
## When Mama isn’t talking, the decibel level in the house is strangely low and lovely.
##  Whispering is evil. And I should never, ever do it if I want my voice back. So… sign language.

Brilliant Kid 1 got her ACT scores. She had to go to the Rude Counselling Office Secretary [1] and ask for it. RCOS took her sweet time, for whatever reason having a difficulty with the spelling of our last name (sheesh). After moments of hemming and hawing (she really hemmed, and also hawed — it’s part of her job description) RCOS said, “You got a 36″ and paused for a long time before saying “on the English section.” Kid 1 restarted her heart and possibly did a little fist-pump. RCOS then told her her other (only slightly less astronomical) numbers which “averaged” (I’ll trust her, I didn’t do the math myself) to 32. [2] We’re pleased. Why, yes, we’d love to send her to university for free. Thank you again.

I am again convinced that “GOOD OMENS” by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman is the funniest book I’ve ever read. I’m re-enjoying it oh-so-much. There might be some snorting aloud. It happens.

Sunshine? I’m ready for you. Although the theatrical cloudiness of the sky is lovely and poetic and stuff, I’m really ready for some afternoon rays.

You know how death and other unfortunate things are said to happen in Threes? I’m here to tell you good things do, too, if you’re looking for such good things. And if you can count to three. I think present company is good there. Details soon.

[1] As opposed to the very, very nice Counselling Office Secretary, who is always polite to both adults and students — just imagine that.

[2] 36 is a perfect score. ACT is the western states version of SAT. All righty. “They” say that a kid’s second try will often be 2 points higher than the first try. This was the first try. All done bragging now.

DeNae - It’s weird how much quieter my house is when I can’t talk. And you’re right, Good Omens is absolutely fantasic – one of my top 10 favorite books. But then I’m a gigantic Terry Pratchett fan, and I really like Gaiman, too, although he doesn’t do ‘funny’ the way Pratchett does. And yay for having your voice back! Can’t wait to hear it tomorrow! Woot woot!March 30, 2012 – 8:15 am

Carolyn V - That is an amazing score!!! She should be so proud of her hard work!

I’m so glad you can almost talk again. Yay!

And hey, I didn’t even know that Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman wrote a book together. I’m going to have to get that one! =DMarch 30, 2012 – 8:28 am

L.T. Elliot - I am not surprised in the least that your daughter got a 36. She’s YOUR daughter! But I’m very happy and proud for her because daughter or no, that means she’s smart and worked her own little butt off to be that way. Way to go Brilliant Kid #1!

That good news in 3s? SO FREAKING HAPPY FOR YOU!

I haven’t read GOOD OMENS but I would love an order of sunshine with a side of warm breeze.

Losing my voice is a rare thing–mostly because I can’t sing worth a darn. Glad it’s coming back and glad you’ve had some P&Q.

BTW, it should be mentioned that last night I read your essay in TELL ME WHO I AM about guilt and I could have hugged and sobbed all over you in equal degrees for that. After a grueling, guilt-filled day over parenting and homemaking all in one, your essay literally made me heave a grateful sigh and clutch at my chest for breath. Thank you. Thank you for being flawed and wonderful and understanding. God bless you.March 30, 2012 – 6:39 pm