Month: December 2012

Right Now

Two of my Kids are reading Jane Austen (one P&P and the other Persuasion) in the sunspot in the family room. I grin in silent giddiness.

(The other two are playing Draw Something on my phone and Husband’s phone. Against each other. Heaven forbid they just get out a piece of paper and DRAW SOMETHING.)

Do you ever think?

I know you do. I meant, do you ever think you could do something amazing? Like… do you ever think you could, with your very own small life, write a memoir that someone would READ? Do you ever think that — years from now, when you’re gone — someone will think of you? Do you ever think that right this second, someone out there is thinking only about you? Do you ever think you really, really matter? Well, amigos, I hope you do. Because it’s true.

You matter. I matter. The guy over there shoveling a sidewalk (while the snow is still falling) matters, and what he’s doing — even if it looks needless and futile and ridiculous — that matters, too. The people who write internet comedy that keeps my kids up too late, falling over each others’ laps laughing? Those people matter to me. The girl who sent a fan letter this week? She matters. And so many more people. every day.

So that’s what my Big Plan is for 2013. (I resist the idea of resolutions. I’m irresolute by nature, you see. so I have to get around it all in my own way.) But my Big Plan is to say it out loud — to tell someone, every day, that what they’ve done, that who they are, matters to me. In person. Virtually. In a letter or a note or out loud. People I know, strangers, people who change me.

Want to join me? (It can only end well, you know.)

Things I Did Not Do While Substituting This Week

1. Write. Yeah, nothing.

2. Publicly mock. I threatened to, but it never happened. (As in, Dear Beginning Drama Classes, When you read your parts in these plays, don’t be lame. If you are lame, we will publicly mock you.)

3. Totally humiliate my Kid 1. Oh, wait. Yes. I did. Over and over, apparently. She survived and will continue to soldier on. It’s who she is.

4. Knock heads together. Tempting, but I managed not to do it.

5. Cry tears when the principal came in and sat through 30 minutes of my AP English lecture. (The kids were worried about me, so they stepped way up with the discussion and the commenting. They rule. Turns out he was just making sure we were all right, and our AP essay discussion was so ENGAGING he couldn’t walk away.)

6. Christmas shop in person. But I did a little online (not while I was ACTUALLY substituting) and I hereby declare my love (again and always) for buying gifts on Amazon. Te adoro, Amazon. Je t’aime. Ich liebe dich. I luuuuuurve you. And so on.

7. Very much laundry, cooking, housekeeping, or pre-Christmas deep cleaning. But nobody went actually hungry, and each of us wore clean(ish) clothes every day, so… WIN. Also, we had turkey dinner on Sunday. Win again.

8. Prepare for Kid 4’s ninth birthday, which is today. Yesterday afternoon, I asked him, “Hey, do you want a birthday cake?” and he shrugged and said, “Not if it’s inconvenient for you.” Then I kissed his face and made him Tres Leches, because it’s his favorite. And I love him. And Tres Leches cake. But mostly him. His oldest sister took him on a breakfast date this morning, because she has to work for the next 12 hours, and he’s as happy as boys get, I think.

9. Christmas cards / letters / photos / neighbor gifts. Can I beg off this year? Is that allowed?

10. Lose pounds. Some busy weeks I manage it. Not this time. Turns out standing in the same room all day and panicking doesn’t burn as many calories as I manage to eat. Alas.

What did you not do this week?

To Be Nervous, or Not To Be Nervous…

That is the question, people.

Tomorrow I begin my first long-term subbing job. Will it be awesome? It will. Why?  Wait for it: It’s teaching AP English and Drama.

Guys. *Snort* THEY’RE PAYING ME FOR THIS!

I get to direct plays. And teach Shakespeare (along with other poetry, which can be amazing or terrifying, you know). And do grades and attendance. And coach monologue delivery. And park in the teacher lot. And hang out with my Kid 1 in 3 of her 8 classes. (She hasn’t decided just how much to love this yet. Ask her in a week.)

And mostly I’m not nervous at all, because I got to choose the Shakespeare play we will read, and I chose Hamlet, natch, because it’s my favorite. (Ophelia! Show me your broken heart right here, out loud. And then break mine, just for good measure! Polonius! You’re completely full of it, and when you’re right, it was almost certainly an accident! Rosencrantz! Gildenstern! I want to marry you both so I can have your names! Yorrick! Alas! Like that.)

So I think, I choose Not To Be (Nervous) and just enjoy the ride for the next six weeks.

What kind of choosing are you doing these days?